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Midway, UT

I need your help. To make a long story short, my wife and I are going to be on NBC's TV show 'the Marriage Ref' that was created by Jerry Seinfeld and premiered last winter during the Olympics. I don’t know if you have seen it, but on the show a celebrity panel hears married couples disputes and decide if the husband or wife are the most correct in their argument. The whole thing is done in a comedy format so it is relatively light hearted, although sometimes serious.

I don't know if you have ever had this discussion in your home but the wife and mine dispute for the show (and at times during the growing season) is around how much time I spend in the pumpkin patch verses with the family during the season. She contends because I'm busy with work and pumpkins the family is at times put to the side. I contend that everyone should get at least one hour a day to do what they want. The family is always welcome at the patch and if they chose not to come then that is their choice (although with any good relationship there is a fine balance).

Where I need your help is giving me good ideas on how to make my case for the show. Any good comedic lines that you have used with your wife or husband that relates to pumpkin growing would be great to know. I want to make sure I walk away from the show with a win for myself and all pumpkin growers. I feel a bit of a burden with all of this because I'd like pumpkin growers coming out looking good and maybe score a few points for those of us who would like to spend more time in the patch from time to time.

Film crew is coming to the house next week and then filming in New York with a studio audience will be sometime after that. No idea when the show might air.

11/24/2010 8:43:58 PM

Massillon, Ohio

no advice but CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU ON THE SHOW!!!

11/24/2010 9:02:33 PM

Annapolis Valley Nova Scotia

If I was you I would be looking for a win, win situation, in that I would be looking for a reason that your wife could support your pumpkin growing. My wife just has to see the smiles on the faces of kids to know why I do it!

11/24/2010 9:12:29 PM

Boise City, Oklahoma, USA

Here the roles would be reversed, I was the first grower and spent two years by myself doing the growing.

Gardening time could and should be a family affair... it is getting you out of house and off of couch and at least in that area outside of the house (aka yard and other related bits)

Housework, yardwork, and gardening were always 'entire family participation' (not to mention chores and the farmwork) in my family growing up, and it does a person good. Kids can always have their own to tend to (I had my own chunk to be queen of and weed and tend, while they worked on the main garden, I had something of MINE)

There are a lot more marriage wrecking/family messing up/time and bucks wasting things to be doing than growing a pumpkin.

As long as it isn't a thing you added on top of everything else that draws your time down too far (you still have to watch all those ball games, play golf, be in some club (fraternal), restore old cars, then ADDED pumpkin growing and you still devote the same number of hours to the other things PLUS growing) A person DOES need to have something to make life worthwile AFTER the family :)

It DOES make gift giving easier in your case, everybody knows what to get you (that particular tiller, a gift certificate to Extemepumpkinstore, scoring compost and maple leaves, etc)

11/24/2010 9:37:42 PM

Minnesota

My wife has said I spend to much time growing them or here at bigpumpkins. She has also said, I guess I'm lucky your not at a bar chasing woman around, at least she knows where I am. This is a healthy active sport, gardening. I always and encourage my family to come along and garden, grow with me. Of course they know the rules, no stepping anywhere in the patch or you will compress the soil.

11/24/2010 9:48:05 PM

South Bloomfield, Ohio

In every good marriage, there is "alone time" for both parties. Every spouse must know and understand that it is natural for the other to pursue something which inspires inner growth. But when the needs for family arise, you'll always be there.

"Job work" and "passion work" are both necessary elements in every fulfilling life.

11/24/2010 10:17:52 PM

Adams County

20 plus years. and all I know is, she is always right..LOL

11/24/2010 10:29:15 PM

Little-TON - Colorado

Great idea Jamie....Joe Pumpkin puts forth some very good thoughtZ as balance IZ most important in life. You know the club will be here for support, and I think the end result can be a WIN WIN situation for all, wifeZ, husbandZ, men and woman growerZ of the GPC to further share why we think thiZ sport iZ second to none......Nice Jamie....Nice!...we will help you any way we can.

11/25/2010 12:19:16 AM

Wa

how them the fact that you can get $1625 for one world record seed, money the great motivator!!

11/25/2010 1:55:11 AM

Owensboro, Ky.

AB, I might have misread Wiz'z response, but am assuming that hiz self, and mozt of the RMGVG will be there on filming dayz!!! My guess is the only way you can win this is to have an AG to display on the day of the show!!! If the camera krew can see one!!! IT"S a dun deal!!! Prbly not possible in the Mountains this time of year...but, it's yer only chance at winning this one!!! LOL Peace, Wayne
PS...Hope this show & yer passion, helps to keep yer family together!!! Serious...family is #1!!!

11/25/2010 2:45:32 AM

Massachusetts

ab, tell your wife you are giving up pumpkin growing! then inform her that you are taking up another hobby, like golf! there's a new set of ping clubs you need to buy $2,500, country club membership $2,000, greens fees $70, golf cart rental$40, golf shoes $200,drinks after a long day at the course $50,ect.. or staying home in the garden with the family....(priceless)! your move honey! ;-}

11/25/2010 3:49:02 AM

Muddy Waters

I told my wife if she can put on 25 lbs, a day and I can take her to the State Fair and get a Blue Ribbon that I would spend more time with her.

11/25/2010 7:34:58 AM

Midway, UT

Some great feedback. Keep it coming! I particularly like your idea Marley. Lol

Let me say this. Although my wife isn't big on me being in the patch for 1 1/2 hours a day in June burying vines when it comes to October she LOVES throwing our annual vine cutting party (100+ people) and having that big pumpkin sitting on the driveway after the weigh-off. Although she isn't big on the time committment she does say, "if you are going to grow, grow big."

11/25/2010 8:01:13 AM

Muddy Waters

I always Get laughs telling people how we pollinate kins.First off theres Boy flowers & Girl Flowers on the same plant.You pick a boy flower and rub on female flower.At this point all these Ciy Slickers are not buying it hey think your pulling there leg.Then Then they usually want to know how can you tell boy from girl.The boy is just a flower & the girl is the fruit.All pumpkins are girls.The boys never become fruit unless your in San Francisco.I explain we have to do this at 68 degrees the window closes at 73 degrees.We rub male on female flower and then we lay down and smoke a ciggerette,Its quite sensual.I cant believe any wife would not understand this is more exciting Than watching T.V going to the Bar,Golf,Football,Chores,Sitting in the house and staring at each other.You get money back at end of season in 2002 I made 800$ for my 848 & bought a computer for my girls.I told them the we grew a computer.I hope I didnt offend anyone its all just for laughs (WHY SO SERIOUS)You can make fun of me anytime Im a recovering alcoholic 23 years sober.I went out the other nite with a friend & sisters the band was making fun of alcoholics.I was a little offended at first& then I said WHY SO SERIOUS.Spouses & everybody lighten up.

11/25/2010 8:20:16 AM

Marion,IN

Jamie,

Here is the best advice I have received so I'm passing it on to you. "You can be right or you can be happy". Besides that, when something happens at your house and your wife needs to "talk" to you, she always knows where you are. Good luck buddy, I'll be watching and cheering you on.

Mark Goodman

11/25/2010 9:38:19 AM

Massillon, Ohio

Handy...your post is excellent!
AB...be careful on talking about the passion thing.
The only ones who "get it" are other pumpkin growers.
Our friends & family think we're nuts, so those celebrities will too. You might not only lose...they might suggest you see a shrink!! You'll be representing all growers in a whole new way. The pressure's on! This will be fun!!!

11/25/2010 9:49:56 AM

Www.extremepumpkinstore.com

After 20 years of marriage, I know better than to air my problems in public...lol..You couldnt pay me enough to go on TV and say my wife is wrong, although my wife is very calm have been growing together for approx. 4 years, the first few years she didnt get the whole growing giant pumpkins thing. My wife was reminded by one of her friends that had recently divorced..."some men play in bars all night, some men play with other women.....we are playing in the garden"...its innocent fun.
Heck I spend more than 1.5 hrs a day outside just tweaking the plants here and there, 3-4 hrs is average during the week and 6-8 on the weekends during the peak of growth.
I'm telling ya, air your problems on tv and it may end up looking like a scene from a very bad episode of the Jerry Springer show.
Remember the old saying.."it's all fun until somebody gets hurt"...especially on national tv in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers....

11/25/2010 10:31:18 AM

Billerica,Massachusetts

better that i'm out spending time in the patch then at the bar at least shes knows where i'm at

11/25/2010 10:36:40 AM

Kentucky, U.S.A.

Stability!!! The core to a solid grounded Family!
Many Celabs don't understand that. Good point Nana.
BSD, David

11/25/2010 10:45:37 AM

Circleville, Ohio, USA

Good Luck! Our new hoe was awfully heavy so when visting a yard sale found a well worn one which was half as heavy and it was much easier for my wife to help with weed control. She always tells people that you don't have to be crazy to grow the giants but it helps. Due to an arthritic condition(unrelated to pumpkin growing) my wife no longer sends time with me in the patch so she got a dog to spend time inside with her while I'm outside in the evening. Not sure the cigarette thing is a good idea but CO2 may help plant growth.

11/25/2010 11:22:58 AM

Knopp, Germany

love is when you can grow giant pumpkins and your better half is interested in how much it grew yesterday.

if for one moment your better half is jealous of your patch, it is over.

having a patch is either like having a good friend that you and your partner both get joy from, or it is like having a relationship with another women, and your wife will never forgive that.

martina and i have a very good friend in our patch.

11/25/2010 11:28:36 AM

Long Island,New York

My wife likes me and chose to marry me because of what I am, not only what I would be with her, or what I would be with her and a family. My Me-ness. While we have happily morphed into a pair and then into a family its the individual me and the individual her that make the pair...then add the kids etc. In order for it all to work we need to be able to still be ourselves...and its odd hobbies and interests that make me me....so if the bonds are to last there has to be me-ness and her-ness....and time put aside to nurture them.

11/25/2010 11:56:47 AM

long Island

That was very nice Glenn.

11/25/2010 1:43:40 PM

Pocatello ([email protected])

You should follow the good advice that's been given here. But then, if you do it won't be a good show!

11/25/2010 2:29:52 PM

Mill Bay, British Columbia

It can be a very very funny show Jamie. I hope you are ready for the ride!!

I saw one recently that the comedians made absolutely crazy funny....looking forward to seeing it already!!

11/25/2010 2:51:46 PM

Colorado

I'm so obnoxious, my wife treasures her time away from me, when I'm in the patch.Pumpkin growing has saved our marriage.Jamie I'm sooo looking forward to the show

11/25/2010 3:28:20 PM

canal winchester ohio

I'm with Tom P., you never see what happens 3-5 or even 6 months later when what seemed funny at the time might not be as funny when it airs & family or friends see it. After 27 years of marriage I know well what may be funny to her right now might not be funny later.
Here's a word of advice to anyone who's pushed into something they don't want to do. If your better half wants you to spend more time with them than pumpkins DO IT!!
Spend every free moment with them, even when they don't want you there-be there under their feet. They try to do their hobby or joy get in the middle of it & help all you can & then some. Soon you'll be back in the patch & no one will bother you.
I've always treated family, bosses,friends & my sons the same- I do EXACTLY what they want till they find out they really didn't want it. I've followed this for so long that now if confronted with something I don't want to do ( work,home or anywhere)all I have to say is " Do you really want me to do it?" and 99% of the time it dies right there.

11/25/2010 6:00:07 PM

Www.extremepumpkinstore.com

LOL Huff~!

11/25/2010 7:46:09 PM

Indiana

Volunteer to sleep 1 hour less a day during pumpkin season

11/25/2010 11:06:31 PM

Midway, UT

All great comments. My wife and I are going into this show with the attitude of making it funny (but we both want to "win"). My wife is a popular, professional blogger who writes about everything going on in our lives all the time (especially pumpkins) so we are used to the public eye. She has a great sense of humor (or she wouldn't be married to me) but we have agreed right from the start to not say anything that might be to publicly embarrasing on the show. A win is only good if we can somehow both enjoy it in the end. I'll put up a post for those who are interested in watching the show when I know it is going to air.

11/26/2010 10:14:21 AM

Mill Bay, British Columbia

Jamie, I'm assuming you've watched the show?

You know they are going to roast you right??

Hopefully (for you) there will be a guest judge on the panel that won't think all giant pumpkin growers are gap-toothed banjo playing hill-billies....alot of reporters and news stories don't paint the average pumpkin grower in a very normal way.

Good luck with it and hope it is a good experience.

11/26/2010 10:29:12 AM

canal winchester ohio

Ditto what NS Boyz said. Coming from Circleville Oh & growing up in the central Ohio area I don't experience any bad things. Everyone around us is very intrigued by it, but I do know that the general public across the U.S. puts us way below Nascar but just above UFO'ologists.

11/26/2010 11:11:13 AM

Little-TON - Colorado

Oh....Jamie will not be alone...we will not let our fellow growerZ be roasted by himself....

He will have the friendZ of the RMGVG to come to his aid at command...Right Swen?.....lol

11/26/2010 11:22:35 AM

canal winchester ohio

Here's a perfect example of how they go for the lowest jab. Did anyone watch Punkin Chunken last night? Who got thee most airtime?
Fat Jimmy & his "sister" Queen Isafellow.
Good luck Hoss.

11/26/2010 11:24:10 AM

canal winchester ohio

I luv ya Wiz but if you show up to help pleez don't wear the wizard outfit..see above ( Fat Jimmy)

11/26/2010 11:25:40 AM

Hobbiton New Zealand

If he does wear the Wizard outfit it may help your case by making you look a bit more normal than some others. LOL

11/26/2010 12:28:40 PM

Cedar City, Ut

As a ex-wife of a small time farmer, I understand a wifes irritation with an interest other than me. As a grower myself, I enjoy being out in the garden with my husband. Most important thing we have agreed on is.. agree to disagree at times and let it go as a tiny thing in the big picture of life. Other than that, make it a great time for all, and laugh as much as possible, agree not to be insulted and if does, discuss it and work it out, asap!

I will be very interested in watching so please post time of airing of the program.

BOTTOM LINE---have fun and LAUGH!

11/26/2010 12:34:46 PM

Johnston, Iowa

AB - I feel your pain brother. My wife has been extremely understanding of my giant pumpkin growing activities; but there have been times in the heat of an argument where my better half has verbalized some creative death wishes on the pumpkin plants.

As such, I'd say 80% of my time in the garden last year was either in the early morning before work, or at night with the yard light on after everyone at our house was in bed.

I agree that everyone should have some time to work on a constructive hobby - I would think you could argue on the TV show that pumpkin growing is a hobby that doesn't take you away from home like a golf league, bowling league, spending an hour after work at the local tavern, etc., etc.

I admire the Harp's, the Young's, and the many, many other couples who make giant pumpkin growing a shared activity. That's why every chance I get I try to involve my wife and my kids. Good luck & have fun on the episode of Marriage Ref!

11/26/2010 11:48:20 PM

Ontario

Those "reality" show tell you what to say and edit it to get the answers they want. I've heard first hand about that. At least this show does give some live time to the people and it's done for fun. Just use your appearance fees for growing supplies!

11/27/2010 11:29:56 AM

Owensboro, Ky.

As I am reading thru these post's...I have to once and forever give KUDO's to LI...thinkin you got it figured out!!! I also agree w/ Extreme Tom...I think you should cut & run from this show as fast as you can!!! Alas..it is the off season...and I am sure there are monetary gains in this deallio!!! Hope You Win!!! Peace, Wayne

11/27/2010 9:17:52 PM

Midway, UT

Thanks everyone!

12/1/2010 6:06:52 PM

Sevierville,tn

I take pride in my hubby's patch,, and I love helping and working it together. everyone has to have a hobby... Balance is the key...work together love together..and it works for us 22 years strong!

12/1/2010 9:10:08 PM

Www.extremepumpkinstore.com

MSJanet, AMEN! Great reply.

12/1/2010 10:03:07 PM

Owensboro, Ky.

MS Janet, cant wait to meet you on 2/12/11!!! 22 yrs is a great thing!!! Give yer dog a kiss, and scratch yer husband's ear's!!!! Wishing you at least another Strong 22 years?!!! Peace, Wayne

12/2/2010 11:55:53 PM